Today

Today

I see in the news that scientists in Canada have deflated the Big Bang theory: they say the universe may be infinite, after all: science trying to unshroud the unfathomable, indecipherable code of life.

Inspired by this story, I wrote to him that he and I need to be weave our story from the fibers of this infinite universe: he and I.

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On following blindly

Perhaps the problem, indeed the tragedy, of living a life that has been cut out by the society one lives in or by one’s immediate environment is that in doing so one may fail to discover his or her uniqueness, may fail to find his or her bliss. I do not mean to say that following a society’s routine (school, job, marriage, house, car, career,corporation, children, school, grandchildren, death) is a bad thing in itself: I don’t think it is if the choice is a conscious one and if it comes from self-awareness and not from the collective self. There is nothing wrong with following a well-established routine: the trodden path. But there is something wrong when one identifies himself/herself with that routine: i am my job, my family, my routine, my cup of coffee in the morning,  my Facebook page. That would be a wasted life, a life that is devoid of the meaningful struggle to become better, to become more, to discover the unique, unrepeatable voice one has. What a loss of nature’s energy and beauty.

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Growth

I think every relationship is a chance everyone gets to change himself/herself: either for the better or for the worse. The people that come into our lives mirror some shadowy parts of ourselves. I call them shadowy because they resist coming into the light by themselves: they only manifest themselves into the world as a reflection, in our choices of friends, lovers, wives, husbands. But they can be forced to show themselves to the light of our conscious if we descend to these most secret chambers of our being.

I believe it’s only by understanding the role people play in our lives that we can truly become what we were all born to be: sparks of consciousness illuminating some aspect (or another) of being. We are here to understand the darkness of the mother goddess because she is black. Only by fulfilling this ultimate role can we fulfil our purpose. Shadow and light want to be known; shadow and light belong together. It is not the darkness of our being that stunts our growth, nor is the light. It’s our struggle against the natural descent to the abyss of our shadow, our constant fear of the unknown, our constant resistance to change.

Here’s Jung’s take on life’s events: ‘life does not come from events, but from us. Everything that happens outside has already been. Therefore whoever considers the event from outside sees only that it already was and that it is always the same. But who looks from inside. knows that everything is new. The events that happen are always the same, but the creative depths of man are not always the same.’

We tend to resist change: we cling to old patterns and to people as if they were the only choice out there, the only path. We cling to an old model of our lives because we do not know better. Yet, life begins when we begin to shine the light of our consciousness over our abyss, our shadow. As Jung said, ‘depths and surface should mix so that new life can develop’

So how can people that come/are into our life change us for the worse? By not accepting the challenge that they bring with them: the challenge of facing our own shadows. By not accepting the challenge, we create repetition of events and we become dependent on that repetition, on that pattern (imagine a mouse on a wheel) and we will call that pattern our life: we will call that pattern life and stick to it at all costs. Isn’t that madness?

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The Chymical Wedding

I can’t stress enough how beautiful this book is. I read it a second time after 10 years, only to discover new meanings in it and fresh perspectives in me. I believe that the archaic symbols in us, our dark side of the psyche can only have meaning when filtered through personal experience. These archetypes we all carry within need a form of expression (and alchemy was such a form in the past), but which has to be a form of individual expression that has been brought first to the conscious mind, post-experience, post-reflection. A constant dialogue with these forms of energy gives life and personal experience its richness, its touch of the ineffable. And once awakened and taken seriously, they do rub off onto our daily life – they are the key to understanding nature, poetry, music, literature and, last but certainly not least, the key to understanding our own contradictory nature.

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the wisdom of the heart

I am going to write about equilibrium, balance, which will be a bit difficult when listening to Brahms, the Piano Concerto No.1 in D minor with Stephen Kovacevich as pianist. The passion, the exhuberance of Brahms’ early work (he was in his 20s when he composed this piece) may tug at my heart and I may lose track, but here I go, nevertheless.

I’ve been through a period of changes, tremendous changes, I would say and I feel this is only the beginning. I’ve felt joy and pain, and then pain again. Upon reflecting on what has happened to me, I’ve understood something about myself and my relationships with people in general, love relationships in particular. I realize now that every person that has been into my life has revealed something of my psyche in its whole complexity: shadow, unconscious and self. I understand now that what I need to work on is to integrate all the aspects of my psyche into a flowing continuum, or into a balance. There is nothing negative about our selves, and there’s nothing positive either. All there is is this continous struggle to gain supremacy of some force or another, and our (my) continous yielding towards one aspect or another. To strike the balance is to learn how to dance to this counterpoint of life’s music; the opposites are in fact two prefectly interdependent voices, and dancing to them means hearing them both, but yielding to none, lest the dance become skewed, unbalanced, biased.

So I am now at the point when I am listening to this music trying to understand the 2 voices and especially, the point where they meet. What keeps me from hearing the music in its complex simplicity is the need to control things, superficiality, the need to be loved, the need to love, the need to change myself, the need to change others, and above all, the need to change all these things. I am stuck with all this now, and probably the only good thing about it is that now, for the first time, I am bloody aware of it. I am aware of the fact that I am lived rather than living.

And here’s good ol’ Henry Miller who suffered and loved and created, above all, he created. He inspired the title of this post.

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/10/09/the-wisdom-of-the-heart-henry-miller/

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Istanbul and Tarlabasi Today, September 6

Am back to Istanbul, and back on the street. I had to force myself go down the Tarlabasi streets again. Every time I take a break from it, I find it difficult to return. Today, for instance, I had to summon what the Taoists called the “te”, the inner strength, roughly speaking, but it means more than that.

Some of the people of Tarlabasi are apprehenisve, don’t want to be taken picture of; others are thieves; I am usually not afraid, and that may have deterred thieves from approaching me. But there are also nice, friendly people, such as the ones I’ve met today. This is a Christian family from Mardin, or “the fortress” in Aramaic. I befriended the daughter, Sevim, who studied French in school, but whose life is inevitably tied to her father’s. He won’t allow her to marry because he want her to help around the house and take care of himself and his wife when they get older. A sad story.

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September 6, 2012 · 12:07 pm

August 05 journal

Late summer, “you’ve gotta be more, you’ve gotta do more” (from Dead Poets Society, the flick)

Started to cut down on my hours of sleep. Went to bed at 10.30 and got up at 5. That I can wake up to something soothing like Bossa Nova is a relief (alarm set to it). I calculated that I need to work almost all day to read all that I need to read, to study and to write/do photography, in other words, to encompass with my mind all this diversity in my life. But writing comes first; I need to condense the  theoretical part of the study, from 40 pages to a merely 10.

On a personal level, there is cleansing to be done. I need to reconstruct the “masculine,”  which has been affected by the lack of essential manly qualities of the last man I was with. But watching A Man There Was by Victor Sjostrom was a step ahead; my choice of this film, after all, may have been unconscious, And unconscious too have been my love choices so far. I have been able to dig out what the dynamic forces of my unconscious that favoured those choice were, but there is need for those forces to be counterbalanced now, to be understood, cured and let go of. They form indeed to muddy bottom of the lake where my creative impetus comes from, but they need to be honed, or they threaten to paralyze me completely.

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